Pseudo-self and Solid Self

Bowen family systems theory makes a distinction between "pseudo-self" and "solid self." Solid self is regarded as an important component of higher levels of differentiation.

The use of the Beliefs Chart is intended to help one get a bit more objective about what in one's own beliefs is more apt to be solid self, and what is more apt to be pseudo-self. What, then, is the difference between the two? This is the way I think about it.

Pseudo-self is fused with emotional process. We adopt, modify, or abandon pseudo-self beliefs in ways which support comfort in relationships. I can embrace a belief in a way which supports closeness. Or I can reject a belief and adopt another in a way which supports exiting a relationship in which I’m uncomfortable. In either case, the change in beliefs has less to do with thinking and everything to do with the relationship.

Pseudo-self thinking is flooded by relationship pressures. When forming pseudo-self beliefs, I experience and understand things, make decisions, and act in ways which serve relationship comfort. My thinking isn’t free. It’s driven by the demands of the relationship system.

Pseudo-self beliefs are apt to change abruptly. Rather than serve as a basis for choice and action when anxiety increases in important relationships, pseudo-self beliefs may be abandoned and replaced by contradictory beliefs which calm those relationships. Alternatively, the beliefs of pseudo-self can be heatedly championed or rigidly defended in ways impervious to reason.

Bowen family systems theory describes most people functioning most of the time in ways which are driven by automatic reactions to emotional process – to what’s going on in relationships and to the ebb and flow of anxiety. For most of us, then, most of our beliefs are adopted and shaped in ways which serve emotional process. That’s pseudo-self. 

Solid self is free of emotional process. It is the product of an individual effort to accurately experience and understand the world, make judgments, and decide responsible courses of action.

What makes the beliefs of solid self “solid” isn’t their rightness — they may be wrong. Nor are they “solid” in the sense of being rigidly held — they may be changed. What marks the beliefs of solid self is that they are formed and chosen independent of relationship pressures.

I’ve heard some people remark, “It sounds to me like solid self could mean the end of my marriage (or friendship, or job).” Paradoxically, however, real solid self doesn’t “do in” family relationships. And it’s less likely than pseudo-self to accompany the long-term disruption of other important relationships. On the contrary, solid self is an important resource in staying in stable relationship with others. When someone operates out of solid self, they have no need to either convince or withdraw from those who disagree.   

Most of us achieve only a bit of solid self. The goal, as I see it, is to become more solid in the most important areas of one’s life.